August 20, 2009
Scottish officials are in stitches over what has been called "one of the greatest ironic jokes in all of human history." Public outrage was pouring in from around the world over the decision by a high court to release the Lockerbie bomber, Abdel Baset al-Megrahi. Megrahi was convicted of masterminding the 1988 airline bombing which killed over 200 people.
It was revealed Thursday that as the bomber was released due to "compassionate" grounds, his flight mysteriously disappeared off of radar. Scottish officials tell news organizations that Megrahi was the only passenger on the flight, which was remotely controlled.
"What we imagine is that about halfway through the flight, Megrahi realized that he was the only one on board. As he ran to the cockpit, all he saw was a plastic blow-up doll, vis-a-vis Airplane! Scared shitless by this point, he likely looked out his window to see his homeland Libya coming into sight.
"As this happened, klaxons began blaring and red lights flashed in his face. The in-flight movie display then flashed "Suck it, terrorist douche" and the plane exploded. We can only hope that this was within visible range of his family who was waiting for him to arrive."
Reactions to this revelation have been overwhelmingly positive. Called "better than an April fool's joke" by British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, the tape of the explosion will be placed on next week's Britain's Funniest Home Videos.
Even Libyan dictator Muommar Qaddafi said that the irony was "spot on" and that this was "one of the best civilian plane explosions I've ever seen." When reminded that Megrahi was a Libyan citizen, Qaddafi stated, "He was a terrorist. Why wouldn't he expect to be a suicide bomber?"
Megrahi's death will not be mourned by many, although his son Ahmed said, "At least he died the way he lived."
Thursday, August 20, 2009